when college stress becomes overwhelming -- Virtually Advising Q+A

The Q: I'm a senior in college and have one semester left. Since I came here I've had a very tough time dealing with things. Although I do have the academic motivation, my grades do not prove anything. My parents are trying to keep me here as well as I. I do not want to take time off as I am too close, will lose my financial support, and that is not an option for me. That's what this summer is for.

I know as of this semester I'm going to fail at least one class, if not two. My GPA is very close to the 2.0 border and if I slip then I'm out. I don't like being a disappointment and I hate disappointing myself. It's now finals week and I'm trying my best to keep up with my other classes but I know I'm a hopeless case. I also just missed the last day to withdraw from classes.

The stress is tremendous and I don't want to fail out, take time off or enter the working world without a degree. What should I do?

The A: I don't think you’re a hopeless case -- I just think you feel backed into a bit of a corner, which can be awfully stressful. On the plus side, I can guarantee you you're not alone: There are tons of other seniors (probably a few at your own school) going through almost the same exact grossness you're trying to deal with right now. Just as they'll find a way through it, I know you'll be able to as well. My recommendation is that, first and foremost, you take some steps to help you regain a sense of control over your situation.

You said that although you're a motivated student, your grades are in the toilet -- that borderline 2.0, I'm guessing, puts you dangerously close to academic probation or worse. On top of that, you feel terribly overwhelmed, yet at the same time you're under pressure from your parents and yourself to finish college as soon as possible. (I'm also guessing that conflict is why you let the deadline to withdraw go by without dropping any of your classes, even though you know you're failing at least one of them.)

So what can you do to stop feeling like your whole college career -- and your mental stability to boot -- is spiraling out of control? If you read this before you've left campus for the semester (or if you're staying nearby this summer), make an appointment with a counselor to talk some of these issues through. It's not always easy to go to someone who's professionally trained to help students struggling to cope with the stress they're under, but it can be an essential move to make. I don't know nearly enough about you or your situation to recommend what to do beyond that (besides, I’m no psychologist), but a good counselor should be able to help you gain a better perspective on what you're going through and the steps you can take to make things better.

One thing I do want to note, though, is that taking a little time off is not necessarily a terrible idea. Yes, you are just one semester away from graduation, but that in itself is not always a good enough reason to ignore the warning sirens blaring in your head. Do I think you can find a way to turn things around this summer and make it through that final semester? Absolutely. Do I think trying to do so is worth the risk of 1) failing out of school or 2) having a nervous breakdown? That's a question only you -- not your parents, and not anyone else -- can answer.

Remember that whether you graduate this coming winter, next spring or the winter after that doesn't matter too much when it comes to issues like finding a job. The market generally sucks right now anyway, and the better you're able to do in your classes, the better your prospects will tend to be.

Your struggles could also be well worth taking the time to get to the bottom of, rather than trying to blindly stumble through with the hope that you’ll come out OK on the other end. Sometimes, yes, you do need to suck it up and keep on going. But sometimes it's more important to confront the reasons you're being dragged down. Knowing what's gone wrong -- and realizing how you can make it better -- can make it easier for you to get through not only this situation, but any similar ones that may pop up long after you've graduated and moved on with your life.

I'm not sure what you meant about losing your financial support if you take time off, but if you're talking about financial aid, you may want to meet with someone in your school's financial aid office to make sure you're aware of all your options. If you're talking about your parents threatening to stop sending tuition checks, that's a thornier issue, though not an impossible one either. A long, calm, honest talk with them (or perhaps involving you, them and that counselor you hook yourself up with) might help them realize that cutting you off isn't necessarily the most helpful move they can make at this stage in the game.

Though I realize you feel your prospects are dim right now, I don't think you're hurtling toward oblivion. It sounds to me like what you could use most is a better sense of control over yourself and your situation. So don't be afraid to take that control: talk to a counselor; talk to your faculty adviser, your academic dean and your financial aid office about your options; talk to your parents about what you want and what you need; and then make whatever choice you feel is best for you. As long as you do that, you've got no reason to be disappointed in yourself. You're in a lifelong marathon here, not a race to the finish line, and your health as a runner is way more important than the speed at which you're running.

—Myles Helfand, General Advisor